I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
