She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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