i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
My liver is preforming stress tests.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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