Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize