I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
