check it out our google latitudes are spooning
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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