how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Randomize
