I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
