His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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