i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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