Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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