i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
