i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
