I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize