So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize