Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
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