So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
you never un-have a 4some
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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