hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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