Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Randomize
