Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
I smell stomach acid.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
We have so much sex to catch up on
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
