so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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