Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
