it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Randomize
