Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Text me some of your sweat
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
