My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
whose ass print is on the piano?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize