I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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