Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Randomize
