To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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