are you so shy because you have an std?
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
