Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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