I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
