people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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