Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
