Pappa wants mamma naked
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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