we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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