Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
