he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
