So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
you had me at cake vodka
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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