Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Randomize
