I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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