This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
