i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
