Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
