She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
