As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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