So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
