So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
