If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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