I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Randomize
