Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
