Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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