Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
