3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
