I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Randomize