we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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