i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Randomize