I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Randomize
