you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
