need another drink. this is the easiest way
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Randomize