Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
