oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
