i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
