So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
