Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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