I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
