You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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