I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Randomize
