well I can't set my house on fire every night
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
