he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
