girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
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