Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
