I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
