Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
