I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize