I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
smell my finger.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
