In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
