so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
