Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
