he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
