Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
