he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize