Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
