i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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