so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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