Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize