Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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