Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
operation harelip BJ is a go
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
