WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
