he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
