my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
