we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
