You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
