Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
