On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
