I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize