goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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