The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
