First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Randomize
