I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
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