So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize