I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
