I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
