Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
