I'm eating all of the evidence.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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