i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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