looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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