It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
