Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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