come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
