if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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